incertitude
by Aureillia
Summary: Ash had always loved her, he'd just never been quite sure in what way - ash&misty/for ShinyDragonair2


**So yeah, this is a present for the wonderful, fabulous shithead of HM110. But you all probably know her as ShinyDragonair2. It was her birthday a week ago. I'm such an amazing friend. Happy (late) birthday, you carrot! Gohs.**

 **Hope you enjoy, because this is one incredibly sexy piece of a... bsolute fail. Mwah.**

* * *

At first, she had just been an annoying tag along. Someone that wouldn't leave him alone and refused to admit otherwise.

"You owe me for my bike," she'd always say. "I'll keep following you until you pay me back!"

With a hint of red dusting across her cheeks, stiff posture and face twisted into anger to cover up her embarrassment, Ash hadn't thought much of it at the time.

It was just a bike. Surely the temperamental red-head would be able to get another when she got home. Why did she need to follow him for? He was going to be a Pokemon Master, for Mew's sake! When that dream came true he could afford thousands of bikes.

Annoying. Bossy. Stubborn. Pushy. Infuriating.

She commented on everything he did. No matter what it was, she always had something to say. Even when it came to battling she just _had_ to have her input. Ha! What did she know? _He_ was the one that was going to be a Pokemon Master.

Why couldn't she just leave him alone already? Didn't she have a family to return home to?

It wasn't long before that question was answered. Both of them, actually.

She was a Gym Leader. Not a proper one, really, but he still felt slightly degraded that her title or whatever it was made her more official. The whole incident with her sisters was brought to the surface once more, and while Ash didn't understand at first, he felt that he knew Misty a little better afterwards. It was then that he realised the three of them were more alike than he thought.

Brock, abandoned by his father and left with no other option than to take care of his little brothers and sisters.

Misty, left with three self-centred sisters and forced to run away.

Himself, who never spoke about his missing father because it made his mother cry.

He never asked where her parents were, and she didn't bother bringing it up. Neither of them ever asked about his father. It was an unspoken agreement between the trio. Pasts weren't important to Ash, though. He was well on his way to achieving his life long dream with two people that could be relied upon.

They were safe, dependable. All three had an unexplainable link. Ash didn't know what it meant, and he certainly didn't know how to describe it.

All he knew was that in their own way they became a family. It may have been different, but to them it was special, and that was all that mattered.

* * *

One year in and Ash couldn't remember a life without her.

It only felt natural to have her by his side, and the same could be said for Brock. They were a team, a family, each relying on each other to move forward and strive for their independent goals.

But it was different with Misty than it was with Brock.

They were family, sure, but that's where the similarities ended.

Brock was an older brother figure, someone to go to when he was unsure of the road ahead. A male figure to make up for the father he'd never had.

All the same, 'sister' was hardly something that could describe Misty. It's not that they weren't as close, and it had nothing to do with the fact that she was a girl.

The feelings that he held didn't even come close. Leaf was a girl and he'd never questioned his relationship with her. So why was Misty different? Come to think of it, it was less feelings and more to do with reaction.

That being said, Ash was sure that he didn't 'like' her in _that_ way.

Ash had never focused on feelings. Despite what those around him would say (possibly everyone with the exception of nobody), Ash wasn't completely foreign to the concept of love. What it meant, on the other hand, was an entirely different matter.

He loved his mother. He loved his Pokemon. He loved being outside in the wilderness, journeying through regions and going on adventures. He loved the thrill, the adrenaline, the way it made his blood rush and heart leap.

Anything, much less a person, on the outer brink of those topics didn't get a second thought. They were natural, something almost akin to instinct. He'd never had to think about whether he loved them or not, he just _knew_.

Sure, he loved his makeshift family. He'd always understood that. But it was a different kind of love.

He also knew that it definitely wasn't love that he felt towards the temperamental redhead. In fact, he'd never even considered it to be a possibility. They may have always been at each other's throats but she was no longer just a tag along.

And still, despite the fact that he felt a different love for both of his companions, 'sister' just wasn't an category that Misty Waterflower fell into. Try as he might, Ash simply couldn't come up with a column that suited her.

He was eleven, well on his way to becoming the greatest Pokemon Master there ever was. He didn't have time for those sorts of things.

Love just didn't fit into that agenda. It had no place in his life.

* * *

The three grew closer with every passing day, their antics and unusual relationship becoming routine.

He and Misty would fight endlessly over the most trivial of things. Whether it be over him getting them lost, which town to go to, taking a break, or lunch, not a day went by when they didn't argue. Brock had long given up on trying to stop them. Instead, he'd taken to standing to the side while downing as many aspirin as the bottle allowed.

Although, most of the time he'd just ignore the warning label and take more. Mew knew he needed it.

Not the Brock could talk, though. There were plenty of occasions in which Misty had to drag him off by the ear for embarrassing himself (more them, really) in front of a pretty lady.

But, tedious as it was, it made them who they were.

They'd fallen into habit; there was nothing else to it. And there was nothing any of them would ever give it up for.

Brock once said it was just a way of venting their pent up feelings towards one another.

Yeah, right.

Whenever Brock, or anyone else for that matter, teased them he'd just scoff, wondering why in the name of Mew somebody would ever think _that_. They may have been friends, that was a given, but did they like each other? _Hell no_.

Misty and him just weren't compatible. Why did adults always have to make such a fuss over everything? Always looking underneath the surface for a deeper meaning, throwing everything out of proportion and bringing 'feelings' into it.

He didn't get why it was such a big deal.

Misty always turned red and the words caught in her throat, causing Ash to scoff as she stumbled over getting the right ones out. Inwardly, of course, as he had no desire to get whacked over the head with her mallet. Typical females.

It was a long time before he began seeing things in a different light, one that made _him_ blush and stutter. When that day finally arrived, the only way he could deal with it was to shout back everything that was completely opposite. He completely ignored Brock's words of,

"Denial is the first step towards acceptance, you know."

* * *

Brock left at one point, and it hurt a lot less than he had thought it would. Sure, he missed the guy, and it sucked not having his self-proclaimed brother around, but Ash felt himself happy that his adopted sibling was following his dream.

They were here for a purpose, after all. What right did he have to keep Brock by his side for selfish reasons?

For a short time it had just been them. Just Ash and Misty. There was a noticeable, invisible gap where Brock had once been, but neither had commented on it. It hadn't been uncomfortable, only natural.

Then Tracy came along and although he could never exactly replace or fill in the metaphorical hole Brock had left behind, it was still nice travelling in a group of three again.

The Pokemon Watcher became a close companion. Not quite a brother, though. As far as Ash was concerned that role had already been taken and there was no room for any others. Still, he considered Tracy one of his most trusted friends.

But that was when that nagging confusion came back again, because what he felt for Misty _still_ didn't match up with anyone. Not Tracy, either.

More than a friend, but less than a crush. Family, and yet nothing like a sister.

She was still just Misty.

For some reason that Ash couldn't explain, the thought of being blood-related to Misty just didn't sit well with him.

* * *

He didn't know when, but somewhere along the line things changed.

He began noticing things that he normally wouldn't. Things that in _his_ mind made perfect sense and yet none at all at the same time.

Little aspects one didn't notice without paying close attention, like the way her eyes sparkled when talking about water Pokemon or lips curled into a slight snarl if somebody mocked them. How her spray of freckles, barely noticeable unless one looked for them or knew they were there, were slightly different on the left than they were on the right.

Her smile. Her laugh. Her voice. Her expressions. _Everything_.

Her hair looked amazing when it was down.

He didn't mind when she jumped on his back to flee from an approaching bug Pokemon anymore.

Small quirks, such as how one eyebrow always twitched slightly when her anger was peaked or the way her right index finger curled just when she was about to reach for her mallet.

He'd never noticed any of it much before. All of a sudden it was as though all of those little features, tiny elements that made absolutely _no_ sense, amplified ten fold. Ash couldn't comprehend where any of it had come from. He'd always paid attention, however small the amount my have been, but hadn't focused enough to notice every detail.

And it confused him.

They fought almost every five minutes, hurled insults until their chests heaved and throats ran dry. He hated how she was so bossy, so demanding, such a know-it-all that just _had_ to point out his every flaw whenever she could. Both knew exactly what buttons to push and neither of them had any hesitation about testing their limits.

Scrawny, runt, loudmouth, are not.

Moron, dense, pig, are too.

He couldn't stand her stupid mallet, her stupid temper, her stupid way of making him lose control and being able to break his boundaries so easily.

She made him furious to the point where he couldn't stand her. She made him enraged and infuriated and knocked him down all at once. She had the ability to drive him to the point where he wanted to tear his hair out and smack his head against the nearest convenient object.

And yet, he never really could truly feel negative about his long-time companion.

The rush he got from each screaming match left him with his heart pounding and a chest full of emotions. It was different from the rush battling gave him, setting his blood on fire and aggression sky-rocketing and fingers twitching with the urge to punch something.

Pokemon had always made him happy. There was nothing quite like being on the field and shouting commands. Watching Pikachu learn and grow and win was the reason he never once questioned his goal.

But the way he felt when fighting with Misty was something else entirely. He couldn't say it was a _nice_ feeling, exactly, but it wasn't a stretch to say that he enjoyed it.

For all the negative aspects, he found that there had to be at least a thousand more things that made up for them.

She was pushy, but she never gave up on him. Yelling and throwing insults was her way of showing she cared. Whenever he was on the losing end of a match and this close to giving up because he just couldn't win and there was no possible way to beat his opponent, Misty always made sure he followed through and came out on top.

Determined. Strong. Unpredictable. Fierce. Loyal. Smart.

Because Misty Waterflower was so much more than that.

Not that Ash would ever be caught dead saying it, though.

She'd saved his life more times than he could count, more than he would ever admit, and far more than he'd ever thanked her for. She was his best friend. His pillar. His source of encouragement and determination. He didn't ever imagine that she'd leave his side one day.

* * *

The day she had to leave was something he'd never forget.

Agonising and proud of everything they'd accomplished, bittersweet was probably the best way to describe it.

Incredibly bittersweet.

The original team had been back together for another year, traversing the mysterious Johto region and living their most challenging adventure yet. Brock rejoined them a year after Tracy had, the latter leaving around the same time to go and work with Professor Oak.

Standing with them on that hill, watching her walk away and not knowing when they'd see each other again, had to have been one of the most painful experiences of his life. It wasn't like when Brock or Tracy had left. Not even close.

Saying it was the hardest thing he'd ever done would be a lie though.

As far as things went, it definitely wasn't easy. Losing somebody you cared about never was.

Throwing himself between Mew and Mewtwo had been easy. Tossing himself into the sea after Lugia had been easy. Shielding any and all of his Pokemon from a giant, deadly robot created by Team Rocket with nothing but his body, that wasn't even a question. Again, they were all natural.

It happened on instinct.

She'd stayed with him through the duration of the three years he'd travelled. Right from the beginning when he had been nothing more than a clumsy, clueless rookie, to where they were now. He loved her, that much he knew. But it was different to how it was meant to be.

Brock had officially announced them all to be best friends, and for the moment Ash's mind was at ease. Labels had never suited them, but if he had to pick one, it was the only thing that seemed to be even remotely true. He was content with that and pushed everything else aside for that instant in time.

He was still a kid on the cusp of adolescence, and thirteen was far too young for someone to understand love. That didn't mean saying goodbye didn't make him break inside for reasons he couldn't comprehend.

Misty was a part of him. A part that had killed him to let go. He told himself it was just the fact that all three were going their separate ways once again. They were still just children with dreams, and he couldn't explain why the ache in his chest was so prominent this time.

It still wasn't love, and he still didn't know what any of it meant.

* * *

Time went on, years passed by and he only saw her three times after that.

Each time it got harder and harder to watch her leave. But still, he was Ash Ketchum, and he was going to become the world's best Pokemon Master, so he swallowed his feelings and allowed nothing to show through.

She stayed at the Cerulean Gym and he continued his quest. In that time Ash gained many new companions, both male and female, all of whom had their own objectives to amount to. He found that with each new girl that came along, they would slip so easily into such obvious categories.

When thinking about it, he didn't even need to try.

He considered Dawn a sister, and May was more or less a student of sorts. All of them were his friends, of course, but they each fell into separate areas that Misty never quite managed to match up to.

May. Dawn. Iris. Serena.

Student. Little sister. Older sister. Childhood friend.

Bonnie was way too young to fit into the equation. But if anything, she fell into the little sister category along with Dawn.

It was strange. They fell into their roles so easily, and he never had to second guess any of them.

He loved them all, each and every one of them, but never quite the same way he did with Misty. It didn't hurt deep inside when they left. It was sad, yes, and he would miss them, but their absence never felt as though it had taken a part of him away. He would adjust easily. It wasn't something that left him feeling empty inside.

None of them had cut deep or left a mark that couldn't fade. Not that he'd forget about them or anything, but it didn't hurt him both physically and emotionally to remember.

And then he'd think of Misty.

None of them made him nervous, his senses rise and chest swell at the thought of seeing her, speaking to her. He found himself comparing all of his female companions with everything she was and they never managed to measure up. It was an unconscious thing, he never meant to do it on purpose, but their traits and features weren't able to strike him in the way hers could.

Dawn was too girly, too contrast to even consider it. May, although determined, didn't have that same fire within her. Iris had the same temper, the sort of unquenchable, burning desire to get where she wanted to be. Their fights weren't the same, though. Serena nearly had the same eyes, and when she cut her hair it was almost enough to make him think that if she dyed it orange they'd be similar.

But in the end, none of them even came closer. They just weren't _her_.

And when it came down to it, those three pairs of blue irises would never be able to match up with Misty's: A beautiful shade of cerulean, just like her home town, with specks of various greens thrown in. Ash swore they were so much like the ocean that he would be able to drown in them. She really was a child of the water.

Not being in contact with her hadn't made his feelings or whatever they were go away. If anything they'd only increased, twisting into something that only made him more confused and insistent to unravel the meaning behind them all.

He'd be lying if he said they didn't terrify him. This kind of unknown was something he had no experience in, something he couldn't just wing. Scared as he was, though, tossing himself into dangerous situations was a feat he'd become somewhat of an expert at. He'd thrown caution into the wind a long time ago.

Perhaps dangerous was a bit of a stretch, but one could never be sure when dealing with Misty Waterflower.

The little gifts she sent weren't enough. They helped, but it just wasn't the same.

* * *

Even after all these years, Ash _still_ couldn't put his finger on what it was. He was still chasing his dream; growing; learning. Becoming a Pokemon Master was what he wanted, what he'd always aimed for. That goal was merging closer and closer every day.

And yet the girl with the fiery hair was never out of his mind for long. There was only so much training and travelling could do as a distraction. In the quiet of the night, when there were no sounds other than the wildlife that he had become so accustomed to, memories invaded his thoughts.

But he had a dream, one that could not be forsaken, and she was back in Kanto, so he continued on and only allow himself to be consumed by those thoughts when nobody else was around.

Misty Waterflower plagued his mind every night. The only time he'd ever admitted it was that night on the hill years ago, back when he had been travelling with May and Max. The latter had been deeply upset by the loss of Jirachi, and in a moment of weakness and relation Ash had let his own emotions out, too.

Those feelings still remained. They hadn't dulled in the slightest. But he'd learned to stop fighting it, and instead Ash channelled them into a more useful means. Rather than letting them take over, he put them all into his battles and training, using them as motivation to keep going. Misty may not have been with him, but her encouragement and will both were.

He'd never understood the meaning of what it was to fall in love with someone, and was unbelievably dense when it came to the concept of feelings. Anything in regards to relationships, really.

But still, he'd matured and grown and picked up a few things as he travelled. He no longer pushed the notion aside, instead taking the time to consider it. It had taken a long, incredibly long time, but slowly he began fitting the pieces together.

He still had no idea on how it worked, nor did he understand the swirling vortex of memories and feelings inside of him concerning Misty Waterflower. What he _did_ come to realise was that she'd never _just_ been his best friend.

Ash Ketchum never backed down from a challenge. As far as he was concerned they were temporary roadblocks that he needed to overcome to become stronger. Love had never been a part of his agenda, and he wasn't sure if what he felt was exactly that, but uncharted territory was something he did best.

It had never been grey with Ash, only black and white: Misty was no exception.

And as he looked out at the stars that night, he decided that it was about time he found out.

He was going to gather all of the required Kalos Gym badges. He was going to train harder than he ever had before. He was going to build his strongest team yet. He was going to give it all he had and this time, he was going to _win_.

Because now he had another dream back home, and he intended on figuring it out the moment he achieved the first one.

Unbeknownst to him, a certain red-haired beauty sat miles away staring at the same night sky, wondering exactly what he was up to right now..


End file.
